I’m back, and the lesson is to be prepared for anything

January 21, 2015 in Blogging, Misc, On Writing by pacejmiller

buried-boxes

Every time there is an extended hiatus on this blog I feel the urge to explain.

This time, the excuse is simple and honest. Shortly after my last post I had to head back to Australia again — less than a month following my previous visit — to prepare the family home for lease. It was a spur-of-the-moment thing with very little time to prepare and a lot of things to do, and yet it did not deter me from fantasizing about all the “free time” I was going to have over the one-week stay without having to worry about work or looking after the kids.

In my mind, the list of things to do in Sydney was long:

– catch up with the many friends I didn’t get to see last time;

– catch up on some much-needed sleep;

– kick start my exercise regime with jogs and workouts day and night;

– do copious amounts of reading on my barely-used Kindle every night;

– watch some movies blocking up my backlog;

– rekindle my relationship with my Playstation Portable following a 3-year break;

– eat lots of Aussie food I miss and have plenty of great Aussie coffee; and

– maybe do a little bit of packing and some ancillary stuff required before you lease out a property.

Instead, what I did that whole week, from about 6 or 7am to midnight or later each day, was:

– pack.

That was about it. It was probably the most brutally exhausting stretch of my life — and certainly the most physically demanding — since the worst of my lawyer days.

The lesson to be taken out of the experience is to never expect anything and to be prepared for everything. For instance, I had been ready to write up a storm upon my return last week, but of course my decimated immune system offered feeble protection against a crazy-ass virus. The illness kept me in a zombie-like state for the first couple of days during the incubation period and a couple of nights ago went full Walking Dead on me. Debilitating shit it was indeed.

I’m no close to 100% yet but at least I’m finally back to a semi-functional state. There’s a lot to be done, so I suppose I should get moving. Unexpected stuff happens all the time, so we should treat every day like it’s our last. OK, maybe not literally, but constantly striving for a goal ought to be a goal in itself.

PS: The one good thing about everything that has happened is that I got to watch four movies on the two plane rides.

Hello, 2015

January 1, 2015 in Blogging, Misc, On Writing by pacejmiller

new-year-eve-2015-sydney-australia-photos

Well here we are. Another New Year. 2015. They just go by so quickly, don’t they?

For some reason, the most apt thing I can think of to say in this post comes from, like most apt things, Seinfeld. Instead of what Jerry said about birthdays, however, I’d like to tweak it to make it apply to New Years.

Well, New Years are merely symbolic of how another year’s gone by and how little we’ve grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each New Year’s fireworks display we know it’s not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end – inevitably, irrevocably. Happy New Year? No such thing.

Don’t get me wrong. 2014 was a great year. A fulfilling year in terms of getting fit, getting healthy, spending time with family, watching loads of movies (around 160 by my count!!!) and TV series, and reading about 3/4 of the number of books I intended to get through (15/20).

In terms of what I really wanted to get done, and have been saying so for more than a couple of years — ie, writing — well…it was a disappointment once again. I did a little more than previous years but still nowhere near as much as I wanted.

Some of the issues can’t be helped, but much of the problem is the usual laziness and lack of motivation, fear of starting something, fear of finishing something, fear of it being no good, fear of having to do too much to fix things up, etc etc.

If there’s anything I’ve learned in the past year it’s that waiting till you’re fully ready and in the mood to do something never works. Because there’s always an excuse — unexpected, made up or otherwise — to hold you back. Like exercise, which I have pretty much gotten the hang of now, writing needs to be a habit. You need to do it even when you don’t want to. Especially when you don’t want to.

So that’s my only real goal of the year. To make writing (non-work or blog related, that is) a habit. If not daily then at least 3-5 times a week. I think I can manage that. I made a pact with a friend to get something done by the end of 2015 and the clock’s already ticking. A little more discipline at work will help, but I think I’m ready for the challenge.

PS: I still want to read at least 15 books this year, watch 100+ movies and continue improving my all aspects of my health, from taking my vitamins to exercising regularly and cleaning up my gruesome diet.

Getting back on track, ever so slowly

December 23, 2014 in Blogging, On Writing by pacejmiller

rail-track

It’s been a long time since my last post. I knew it wouldn’t be a while, but as usual, I did not expect it to be this long. There was the planned overseas trip that was expectedly hectic, and my mind has not been in the right place after the tragic events at Martin Place last week, which unfolded as we were preparing for our flight back. You hear of terrible tragedies almost every day, but sometimes it takes a personal connection to really make it seem real. In this case, Martin Place siege hit too close to home, and it really shook me up.

The subsequent atrocities in Pakistan and then Cairns really had me in an emotional rut, but it was the physical exhaustion — from the trip, the flight, and the sick, restless toddler upon our return — more than anything that prevented me from feeling the urge to write again. Actually, that’s not entirely accurate. The urge was there, but the energy was not.

And so for the first few days I was half in battle mode, trying to simply get through the day — be it work or home duties — with tremendous inefficiency, and half in zoning-out mode, staring at whatever mundane stupidity the computer screen had to offer.

Slowly but surely, however, I’m getting my mojo back. I restarted on my Pacers blogging yesterday and blogged again today. I got back into my exercise routine as well and will start watching my diet again after I stuff my face at a couple of celebratory meals I can’t avoid. None of this seemingly has anything to do with my writing, but I tell you: it’s all connected. I need to be in optimal condition — mentally and physically — for writing to commence.

As for my unofficial, two-month, split NaNoWriMo project…well, there’s always next year. I do plan to start again shortly, but any plan of completing something substantial before the end of the year is unlikely. I’ve reached a stage where I am beginning to realise that maybe I should just stop writing about intending to write, and just bloody write.

PS: One thing I have done reasonably well this year is keep up with my movie reviews. I have a couple of reviews coming up, and hopefully not that many movies left to watch before I can do my best of and worst of list for 2014.

Setting (realistic) daily goals

August 13, 2014 in Blogging, On Writing by pacejmiller

checklist1

About 10 days ago, I posted about taking a new approach to my writing, and that’s to treat every single day as a challenge. So far, it has worked out OK. I’ve been more efficient, but still nowhere near as effective as I want to be.

Part of the problem is that the extent to which I challenge myself can vary greatly on a day-to-day basis. Some days I feel pumped and challenge myself to do a lot. Other days I’m not in the mood and I challenge myself to do very little.

And so I’ve come up with a second prong to my strategy, and that’s to set (realistic) goals every day. Back in the day when I was busy working at The Place That Shall Not Be Named, writing daily task lists was my favourite thing to do. I loved writing down everything that needed to be accomplished and then enjoying the sense of accomplishment as I ticked them off one by one. To some extent it did help me become more organized because there was often so much to do that I felt completely swamped, but usually it was so I could tick things off a list and feel good about myself.

I need to bring that back. From now, I will write up a list every morning of the things I should complete for the day. I usually set extremely unrealistic goals for myself, so I’m going to try and slowly build it up, like a workout (you can’t start off with the heavy weights, you know).

Will report back on that works out.

Treating every day as a challenge

August 4, 2014 in Blogging, On Writing by pacejmiller

meeting-challenge-icd-10

Is it August already? Hory shet. Time has flown, again. And so I go back to feeling ashamed about how few steps I have taken towards achieving my writing goals.

But I think I have figured it out

My problem has always been — apart from laziness, procrastination and too many distractions — has been the steadfast belief that I have the power to just put my foot down and say, “That’s it, from now on I am going to be a writing machine, every day until I accomplish my goal.” I would plan ahead and tell myself that I would start powering through at X date, or as soon as I finish X.

Of course, nothing ever goes according to plan. There’s always something else. And so I keep postponing, and postponing. On paper, some of the reasons are legitimate. I might get sick, slashing my productivity at work in half and squeezing dry any free time I otherwise would have had. A child might get sick, in which case my energy levels drop to near-empty and I can barely even think. I might get a new freelance case that gobbles up both time and energy. Paul George might break his leg and plunge me into a mini-depression for a few days.

The line between reason and excuse, however, is perilously thin and often blurry. I’ve postponed writing because I needed to watch a movie or listen to a Grantland podcast. Because there were new levels available in Candy Crush or Plants vs Zombies 2 that had to be conquered ASAP. Because someone recommended me a new game on the iOS. And my fall-back excuse: I still have blog posts I need to catch up on.

I compare this to my constant thirst to begin a healthier diet, which may prove even more difficult. Last week, the excuse was because my parents bought us a few tubs of gelato. This week it’s the honey mustard pretzel pieces. And yesterday I bought some addictive Japanese sour grape gummies. OK, so that last one’s legit, because it’s impossible to stop once you start eating them.

I digress.

Anyway, what I should have realized long ago is that when you have something you want to do, you just need to do it. This “start when I’m fully ready” thing never works because I’ll never be fully ready. I don’t think anyone is ever fully ready for anything. From now on, I’m going to treat every day as a challenge. A challenge to get as much writing done as I can. It could be work-related, blog-related or one of my writing projects. Doesn’t matter, as long as I challenge myself to get the most out of the day. Sometimes I’ll have off days and struggle, but the goal will always be the same. No more looking into the future and no more pointless planning.

I guess we’ll see how this new strategy goes.

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