Tomic knocked out of Aussie Open; continues whining

January 20, 2010 in Tennis by pacejmiller

Who would have thought.

After years of pining for a successor to Lleyton Hewitt, one of the most successful and reviled Australian tennis players in recent memory, the Aussies finally have a candidate – 17-year-old Bernard Tomic – who just happens to be even more irritating.

Tomic, who is embroiled in a feud with Hewiit (which is really hilarious when you think about it), is lashing out at Australian Open organisers after he was knocked out of the second round in a five set thriller against Marin Cilic, 6-7(6-8) 6-3 4-6 6-2 6-4.

The match began at 10.20pm and did not finish until 2.10am, which Tomic calls “ridiculous”, especially for a player as young as him.

“After 1am, 2am, for a 17-year-old to go out and play, it’s difficult. For the people I requested to play during the day, and it didn’t happen, I think it’s ridiculous.”

For the record, Tomic believes he “should have won” had they played earlier in the day.

(Read on by clicking on ‘More…’)

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Avatar causes depression and death

January 20, 2010 in Entertainment by pacejmiller

Avatar kills

As James Cameron’s Golden Globe winning Avatar streaks towards the all-time box office record held by Titanic, reports have emerged that the film is actually a dangerous health hazard.

Viewers have found themselves depressed after watching the movie as they realise that Pandora, the beautiful planet on which the story takes place, is actually not real.

Some of the things viewers have said in response to the film include:

“When I woke up this morning after watching Avatar for the first time yesterday, the world seemed grey. It just seems so meaningless.  I still don’t really see any reason to keep doing things at all.  I live in a dying world.”

“I even contemplate suicide thinking that if I do it I will be rebirthed in a world similar to Pandora.”

Doctors, psychiatrists and other specialists have all weighed in on the debate.  Some believe it is the amazing realism of the special effects.  Others say it’s because the film is in 3D, so viewers have trouble distinguishing the fantasy world from reality.  A more radical theory is that the blue aliens in the film remind people of giant smurfs. 

The truth however, is much more simple.  It is because these people are idiots.

The damage of Avatar has gone further than just stupidity.  A 42-year-old Taiwanese man recently died from over-excitement after watching the film. 

The man had a history of high blood pressure and had mistakenly walked into Avatar believing it was the latest M Night Shyamalan live-action sequel to Lady in the Water starring Matthew McConaughey.

Okay, that last bit was made up, but the rest of it is all true.